Connect! Unite! Act! Bigots You've Known and Loved?

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How Do You Deal With Bigots in Your Life When You Can't Disown Them?

Cliven Bundy's bigoted comments on "The Negro" are so infuriating, so absurd, so painful, and so downright hateful and stupid there's no question this guy needs to be shunned by anyone with two brain cells to rub together. Other than enjoying the ridicule being lobbed his way, I'm fortunate that I don't have to deal with people like him if I choose not to. In fact, I'm exceedingly fortunate that I'm not in a position right now to have to personally deal with any bigots or racists at  all if I don't want to. I can tell them off, walk away, or just point and laugh.

Trust me, we would've been a lot happier if you picked your own cotton. #SomethingAboutTheNegro#BundyRanch

— RiPPa (@RippDemUp) April 25, 2014

I recognize this for the white privilege it is. It's also one of the benefits of being a self-employed adult who no longer has to work side-by-side with odious people. It wasn't always like this-- I used to work in hospitals next to perfectly awful people, like that John Bircher surgeon who damn near pinned the wrong ankle he was so busy holding forth with right-wing blather that would sound mild on today's Fox "News." Back then I had to swallow my retorts and rejoinders or lose my job. Ridicule was not an option, which may be one reason I enjoy it so much now.

Cliven Bundy was taken out of context. In his proper context, the hood would muffle most of the words.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 24, 2014

Avoiding bigots isn't always possible, though...especially when they're in your own family and you're not in a position to disown them. You may even love them. Then what do you do?

Wesley Snipes. Three years in jail for not filing tax returns.
Cliven Bundy: A free man after 20 years of deadbeatery.
#FigureItOut

— Steve Marmel (@Marmel) April 24, 2014

Mom was a caring person who was also deeply prejudiced. There's just no sugar-coating it. She was raised by prejudiced people and repeated racist words, phrases and ideas without actually thinking them through. And she got increasing push-back from me from the time I was a teenager. As I grew older and she grew to respect me she tried to rein it in, and stopped referring to little black girls with bows in their hair as "those cute little pickaninnies" in public because I'd holler "MOM! You can't say that!" at the top of my voice and people would turn and stare at her. "What's wrong with saying they're cute," she'd hiss back at me, and I'd try to explain why. Historical explanations didn't work, but "Because it makes you look backwards" did. We fought over her racist language...a lot. But at least she knew if she dropped the N-word in my presence there'd be an outcry. The child scolding the mother just drove her public prejudice underground without altering it.

And though my parents had close Jewish friends she didn't hesitate to voice stereotypes about them as well. I won't repeat one of her favorite cringe-worthy jokes.

Can't wait for Cliven Bundy to share his thoughts on "the Jew."

— David Corn (@DavidCornDC) April 24, 2014

When I was trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my country had dropped not one but two nuclear bombs that obliterated two Japanese cities, I asked her how such an act could possibly have been justified. "Because it saved lives," she said, unthinkingly repeating what she'd been told. When I pointed out the number of lives that were vaporized she was unfazed, because what she meant, of course, was that it saved American lives. "They don't care about life the same way we do," she explained to my howl of protest.

At times there was just no penetrating her fog of preconceptions. When her oldest adored grand-daughter Sam wanted to bring her girlfriend to the big Christmas Eve party, Mom refused. "But you've always let us bring whoever we're dating home for Christmas," I said. "I don't care," she said stubbornly. "It's just not right. If I let her bring Cindy she'll think I approve, and I don't." I pointed out that her disapproval would never change who Sam was and would only drive her away, but Mom would not relent. Sam did not come for Christmas that year. The following Christmas Sam was dating a man, who she later married and had several kids with, and Mom felt entirely vindicated. This was how I learned about confirmation bias.

I still think Cliven Bundy could get over his dependence on the government if he could find a good husband.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 25, 2014

I loved Mom and fought with her outmoded and ridiculous beliefs. I like to think that had Mom lived long enough to see a black man elected President she might have had to admit that times had changed, that maybe she was wrong in her belief that white people were inherently superior to everyone else. But I have to admit that she would likely only have come as far around enough to reluctantly admit that the black guy with the funny name was "one of the good ones."

While #bundy was freeloading this young kid was hitting the books. pic.twitter.com/H0IJQ8DDm4

— Kasai™ (@Kahsai) April 25, 2014

I believe that humanity is a deeply flawed and inherently racist species. Fear of those different "others" is hard-wired into us along with the very human desire to feel superior. I know I have prejudices of my own. How could I not, when I was raised by someone whose every spoken and unspoken assumption firmly put white folks at the apex of the human pyramid? But I also believe that we can examine our unconscious assumptions and root out the ridiculous ones, particularly when they're reflected back to us in the distorted mirror of a Cliven Bundy, an absurd figure who the media first lapped up and then recoiled in horror from when he said aloud what everyone had to know he was thinking all along. When you see a man like that thinking he himself represents the pinnacle of mankind...well. You've got to laugh.

And you've got to fight those hateful dangerous thoughts; all the more so when they're coming from the mouths of people you love and can't disown.

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