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What Was Your Worst Date Ever?
Did You Ever Go on a Blind Date?
Ever Try Online Dating?
Two friends of mine just signed up for online dating services and are already telling good (i.e., hair-raising) stories. My friend who is (admirably) dating in his age range just met a woman who listed her age as 59, which was fine with him. When she arrived at his house she told him she was actually 70.
You let a first date come to your house? I asked, appalled. Next thing you know you'll find a bunny boiling in a pot on your stove. C'mon, everyone knows you meet a blind date in a neutral place from which you can make a hasty escape.
Listen now, children: Back in the ancient times, when water fell freely from the sky, we had to go out and physically dig up our own dates, and I had some memorably bad ones.
Bad Date # 1: When I was in high school a friend of my sister's husband, a certified ski instructor, bragged about what a great teacher he was, offered to take me up to the local resort and promised to have me skiing intermediate runs by the end of the day. He started me out on the bunny hill by showing me how to grab onto the rope tow. Without further instruction on basics like turning or stopping he dashed off to rescue an injured skier, leaving me to figure out how to stop without smashing face-first into the chain-link fence perimeter. He kept up the disappearing act all day, granting me an occasional passing wave, but never returned to check on my progress as I went up and down that tiny damn hill all day long, waiting for my next "lesson" and competing with physically gifted 5 year-olds for the rope tow. JERK.
Bad Date #2: The guy who replaced the tires on my VW bug when I was 17 warned me that it would be dangerous to drive my car without new struts. After I agreed he asked me out and I said yes because he was cute, employed, and clearly looking out for my best interests. Later on the date (and right before he obviously believed he was about to get lucky) he busted up laughing and thanked me for making him look good to his boss. I hadn't needed new struts at all, he said confidentially, but women tend to not understand these things, and his boss really liked how he brought in more repair work to the shop. FAIL.
Worst Date of All: After a flirtatious chat I agreed to go out with the handsome young long-haired man I met in a little shop along Huntington Beach in the late 70's. He didn't have a car (a common dating experience for me) and before jumping in mine he took a quick hit of freebase cocaine off his pipe. I declined the offer since I was, you know, driving and had no idea what he was smoking. When I stopped for gas he was all jacked up and became indignant when I started to get out of the car, pompously declaring "No woman of mine pumps her own gas!" He then forget to close the gasoline door and also forgot to replace the gas cap. It took me several days' search before I located a replacement cap at a junkyard. Nope, no second date there, either.
But, as you all know, there was ultimately a happy ending to all those dates gone bad....
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